Collective Friendship

lauranadine/ August 18, 2017/ autism, emotions, Rising Like the Phoenix, Uncategorized/ 0 comments

Dear Phoenix,

Back in early 2015 I was working hard to grow past many of my limitations, and push myself towards my dream.  I wrote a script for one of my 5 minute positive takeaway videos, but never got a chance to make it.  Chasing a dream takes ample energy, and all of my resources.

Here is the script I wrote:

EXT. LONELY ISOLATED ROAD ON EDGE OF TOWN

A woman, named Seeking, is walking alone, in worn out clothing carrying several suitcases. Each suitcase is labeled with a different burden (hunger, loneliness, unemployment, debt, past transgressions). She is wearing an untied straight jacket labeled exclusion on one arm and judgement on the other. She continues to walk but wants to stop. Every time the she stops, she is pushed away, like an unwanted stray animal. She continues to walk out of town to the isolated road.

Along the way, she is passed by cars who honk at her for taking up the road, or looking unkempt. She lies down on the side of the road to rest, but becomes afraid of the shadows in the forest. There isn’t anything there, but she can’t understand that. Seeking runs, but then collapses as the shadow draws near. She feels she is being attacked. Just as she thinks her life is over, an old woman helps her up. One by one, the old woman detaches the suitcases from Seeking, and then removes the straight jacket and wraps her in a blanket. The blanket says Friend.

The old woman, named Compassion, wants to leave the suitcases behind, but the girl is reluctant to leave them behind. The old woman hugs Seeking and leads her away. They arrive at a modest house on the edge of town. In the home are other friends of the Compassion, who all jump up to help.

They feed Seeking, clean her up, and keep her warm by gathering together under a large blanket together. After some time passes, one by one each member of the house goes back to the location where they picked up Seeking, and grab a suitcase.

A man named Nourishment, picks up the suitcase labeled hunger. He carries it back to Seeking. He fills the suitcase with seeds to plant, bread, and other nourishing food. He brings it to her and feeds her the nourishing food. He sets aside the seeds to plant until she is healthy enough to tend to them.

A child, named Dreamer, in the house picks up the unemployment suitcase. Dressed in her best, she drags the large suitcase from business to business, until the local printer takes it. The child receives a paper that says employed and she runs it back to Seeking.

A married couple, named Security and Sustenance, take the debt suitcase. They perform on their instruments in town, and collect donations in the suitcase. They take it back to Seeking, and show her how to use employment to finish filling the suitcase. Security brakes the hinges of the debt suitcase and places the top not to it, splitting part of the money into the top. He labeled the top Future. Seeking, feeling strong, rises out of Nourishments arms. she puts on her shoes, and her work uniform, and walks to the print shop.

Nourishment, Security, Sustenance, and Dreamer all walk with her. Seeking arrives at her new job at the printer. Uncertain what to create, she stares into the void. She gets up and looks out the window and a raggy stray who has dragged Past Transgressions to her office door. She brings in the stray, and creates a makeshift bed for him out of a box and a blanket. She opens the suitcase and stares at its contents, horrified. She looks away in disgust. Nourishment senses trouble, and sends the people of the house to her work. They arrive in time to catch Seeking as she falls from her stool.

They gather under the blanket and the stray joins them. Curious about what is in the suitcase, Dreamer crawls over to it and pulls out a nail. She looks over at Seeking, who buries her head into Nourishments arms with shame. Dreamer pulls herself up and looks into the suitcase. It is full of nails. Dreamer looks sad. The stray comes to cuddle with her. Then Dreamer gets a big smile on her face and runs out of the printer with the stray. Dreamer collects the owner of the hardware store and  whispers into his ear. He smiles, then nods. Dreamer then runs back to the printer to share her idea with Seeking.

Seeking picks herself up, dusts herself off, and starts back to work. Dreamer, the hardware store man, and all the members of the house settle into a routine. Seeking creates beautiful art at the printshop, works at the house to plant her garden, and put money in debt and future. She workings with the hardware store, with a handful of nails at a time from past transgressions, and nails them into an unknown structure. The town starts to take notice. Feeling bad for judging her, the townspeople work to scrub clean the canvas straight jacket and dismantle it. Each member of the town works to recreate the jacket into something else very colorful.

A year has passed. Seeking is happy. She has friends in Nourishment, and other members of the house. She has a flourishing garden, at the house, and debt is gone, and future is filled. They stray is healthy, and the towns people are happy too. There is a party in town today. Dreamer and Seeking have used up all the nails in past transgressions. As they are walking to the party, they see the old woman approaching. She is carrying loneliness. Seeking takes the suitcase from the old woman and they walk together to the party.

They arrive to see all the members of the house, the stray, and the towns people standing in a big group together. They part and the group reveals a beautiful wooden sailboat built with the nails from past transgressions. At the mast are Security and Sustenance, who raise a flag made of the old straight jacket. On the flag is a Print work made by Seeking. Seeking looks down at the suitcase. She uses a rag and wipes off all the letters of loneliness, except the first L,O, and E. She Writes in a V to spell Love.

The old woman, the members of the house, and stray board the boat and sail from place to place, bringing security, sustenance, nourishment, and love to all they meet. They are not afraid to dream, fail together, and comfort one another. The town they left behind is all for the better too. The house continues to take in seekers, and is run now by the townspeople.

As the sun sets over the water, Nourishment and Seeking hold each other in love. The old woman gleams, and Dreamer looks ahead with excitement. Stray looks like captain puppy, and the couple plot the way. The sunset creates a silhouette of Seeking and Nourishment, until the screen is black.

WORDS ON SCREEN Free of judgement, the act of one becomes the love of many. Love louder.

When I wrote this, I had pictured each word as a separate person.  People who saw what a person needed and did that to help.  But since then, I have learned I was wrong.

The only person I needed to meet was compassion.  By allowing myself to be Seeking and chasing my dream, I was open to receive compassion.  Compassion came when each person on my path wrapped me in their friend blanket, and those people are real.

I have allowed myself to be loved.

Over the past 3 years as Seeking I have met some incredible people.  Their friend blankets are warm, strong, and always hugging me with the deep compression I need.

So what about Nourishment, Dreamer, Security, Sustenance, and the stray?  They are all within me.

Nourishment is my curiosity and sense of adventure that feeds my mind with knowledge and experience.

Dreamer is my childlike wonder that allows me to see the world in infinite beauty.

Security is my strength that keeps me fighting for what is good and right.

Sustenance is my endurance and tenacity that keep me rowing this old sail boat even though the wind is not yet blowing.

As for the stray, he comes around from time to time to remind me of my failures.  So I feed him, and hug him, and I have forgiven him.  Stray is my past, but not my present or future.

And you, Phoenix, you are the fire that keep me warm.  So maybe the story didn’t start out with the right idea; it became so much more.  The compassion of others wrapping me with their friend blankets helped me to be all I needed to be.  To my wonderful friends, and family, I say to you;

Thank you for your compassion, and for loving me so loud.

Until tomorrow,

Laura (snamuh)

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